One Night in Blashyrkh

Norwegian black metal band Immortal began their European tour in their hometown of Bergen this saturday, and me and my fellow kvltists were there. Now, Immortal may not be the kvltest of bands, but sodomize my earhole, they sure know how to put on a great show!

The concert was not free of travesties, however. Upon majestically making our entrance, we were horrified to gaze upon the crowd. Skinheads (And not in the grim nazi way), straight-edgers, snobs and generally inferior scum! People wearing coloured clothings, short hair, Dimmu Borgir shirts! At one point I even thought I spotted a jew somewhere amongst the crowd! Is this what it's come to? Mainstream faggots who care nothing for kvultist values attending black metal concerts, thinking they're "rad"? Has black metal really become this accessible? First Keep of Kalessin whoring themselves on international television, and now this? I swear to Satan, I had to punch at least five "metalheads" during the first hour of the show! The worst guy we saw was this hipster wearing a hip-hop beanie (Is that the word?), and a white shirt that looked like it has cost him at least a 1500 NOK! Don't worry, though, we naturally beat him up after the concert and left him to bleed his AIDS infected blood in the snow.

Furthermore, I have never seen such a sad display of sheep-mentality at a concert before. Pathetic, faggot fanboys headbanging away in desperate hope of sucking Abbath's cock! That's what headbanging is, you know, nothing but deep throat practice! Grind my horn! It looked like a fucking convention for nymphomatic spastics! I didn't even know that brain-cripples were allowed to stay out this late. shouldn't they be spoon-fed cum juice in some asylum? At least we were able to to relieve ourselves of a little aggression that night by beating some of them senseless.

Another thing that really annoyed me, were all the orca-fat retards moving back and forward all the time. What the fuck gos through the minds of these inbred cockjugglers? Gigantic, fat mongoloids attempting to make their way to the front by going through yours truly! Sorry to say that none of them succeeded. Some of them even had the audacity to act insulted after I knocked them to the ground! Why do they want to get to the far front so desperately? Are they hoping that Abbath will bestow his cum on them if they cheer loudly enough?
Furthermore, when they get to the front, why can't they stay there, in stead of moving back and forth, so that I do not have to violently assault them every time they try to pass through me? With such steep prices on ale that night, you'd think bladder control wouldn't be that much of a problem.

Still, the concert was a success. The band unleashed a holocaust to my satisfaction. It became clear that the band was trying to gas the audience to death at some point, as a lot of people developed breathing problems and had to step outside. Kvlt as I am, their Zyklon B did not affect me the slightest.

So all in all, a very good concert. But the useless, pathetic, watered out and unkvlt crowd really vexed me. Next time I'll organize a lynch mob if the crowd does not get their kvltness together, and execute the lot of them.
Hanged, drawn and quartered!

Until next time, please kill someone.

Yours cruelly, N.S.